I didn't do these posts in order because I thought of the idea afterwards, but I am trying to write a series here called keys to a successful recovery.
The five keys are endurance, wisdom, courage, acceptance, and self-love.
I wrote about acceptance here if you wanna read.
So today's topic is endurance. Now I don't mean endurance like in the running sense. I mean endurance like in the just-keep-plugging-along sense. I guess they're kind of similar.
Here is the definition of the word based on dictionary.com's point of view.
From that it's clear why one would need endurance to succeed in recovery from anorexia, or really any mental illness for that matter.
After more than eight years of fighting this insane disease, my endurance level is pretty high. Anyone who has suffered through something where it's almost all mental will know what I'm talking about. The strength required to remain dedicated is outstanding.
The only difference between having endurance to fight anorexia and say endurance to run ten miles is that the strength needed for fighting anorexia is life or death. If you don't have the motivation to continue to get up every single day and fight, to talk back to Ed, to disobey him, to replace his lies with positive truths, then you won't win, you won't be stronger than Ed.
Which is the ultimate goal. To be stronger than Ed. To be the one on top.
For me, this wasn't always easy obviously, and I'm not sure anyone would say it is either. Always being motivated, always having a reason to fight, and always pushing Ed away is not something that takes a couple of days, or even weeks. It's something that can takes years. That's the reason why I dislike treatment centers, but that's for another time.
"Healing is a choice. It's not an easy one, because it takes work to turn around your habits, but keep making the choice, and shifts will happen." Yehuda Berg
You can't change a behavior overnight, just like you didn't pick up that behavior overnight. It takes time people.
I remember days, and even straight weeks where I would beg for an easier option, a way out. Why was this so hard and where was the quick fix that I so desperately wanted?
It never came. It was my endurance to continue to struggle on that got me to where I am today. And I'm not sure you can call my recovered, because I don't even know what that means, but I am in a place where I am stronger than Ed. He no longer controls my thinking. I do.
Endurance is important because without it, you'd give up, fade out, and lose the battle. Endurance is what keeps your head up and it is what allows you to push through even the hardest of days. Endurance is how you keeping going day after day, year after year.
Endurance is what gets you from weak to strong.